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BET Awards – A Running Diary

June 28, 2009


It’s about that time of the year, people. Another awards show filled with absence of dignity, expensive outfits, cheap outfits, tributes, and an absence of dignity. As promised, I’ll be here to give you a running diary. Feel free to comment as we go along. This looks like it’s going to be quite an evening!

8:00PM Michael Jackson caping James Brown opens. I hear that. Oh WOW. New Edition as the Jackson 5. I can dig this, even though Ralph Tresvant sounds like he has swine flu. Lil Wayne looks confused. Nothing new. Bobby the King of R&B is on stage singing better than Bell. How does THAT feel?

8:05PM I need Jamie Foxx to stop. Immediately. They needed Teyana Taylor for this skit if they were gonna jack her swag. This Jamie Foxx performance is getting terrible. Jamie realized his voice was sucking so he cut off the music and started talking to Diddy.

8:10PM Jamie is still carrying on. This is going to be a long night. Once the crowd gets sleepy, he keeps saying MJ’s name to get the crowd moving. Jamie should moonwalk out the door.

8:15PM I can’t lie. I’m amused by Tyra. She’s the Ol Dirty Bastard of modeling. She’s not smiling with her eyes tonight. She’s shrieking with them. What exactly did the Jacksons do for basketball, LeBron? Space Jam?? Lil Wayne wins. Surprise surprise.

8:20PM Jamie Foxx’s outfits look like he’s celebrating MJ’s 50th birthday, not his death. Uh oh here comes Keri Hilson. Is she performing “Umbrella”? Oh no, that other song. Dressed like Michael Jackson too? Let’s take bets on if Kanye comes out. This show is quite androgynous. Yeah let’s keep looping Michael Jackson’s name. WTF was that? a capella from the a cafella?

8:25PM Ne-Yo has no hat on. And glasses. Is this the Malcolm X look ? I guess he’s been ripping MJ off for so long, he might as well change it up during a tribute. He can sing though.

8:35PM These Michael Jackson segues are a nice touch. Nice lineup of randos follow for announcing. Keke Palmer showed up to prove she can sing for the Aaliyah biopic. Considering she was Chris Brown’s “other woman” when the drama hit, I’m not sure she should be surfacing just yet.

8:36PM Jamie Foxx and T-Pain on this Auto-Tune disaster? This must be the most unlucky performance. Ol Dirty Tyra needs to blame it on the vi-vi-vi-vicodin. She looks deranged.

8:40PM Travis Barker did Jamie Foxx the biggest favor in the world drumming on this song. Jamie totally robbed Jay’s “laaaame” from “The Takeover” to say “blaaaaame”. Death of Auto-Tune.

8:45PM Once again Jamie Foxx drops Michael’s name for applause. My friend just said it’s like when Bush name dropped 9/11. So true. Don’t talk to Drake like he’s somebody, Jamie.

8:47PM Soulja Boy dot Blogspot dot com is on. Why is there a foldout bed on stage? Is he in Pretty Ricky now? Kanye’s boyfriend is loving this performance.

8:50PM Chaka Khan offering Estelle and LeToya Luckett some advice. Estelle doesn’t need it, but LeToya sure does. The win goes to Jamie? Fix? My friend Albania just said instead of an “Applause” sign they should just have a sign that says “Michael Jackson”.

8:55PM Ne-Yo looks like a dad. At least he won. That MJ button is odd though.

9:00PM The brotherhood of the traveling pants are on discussing something about being doctors and being friends. Thank God Beyonce is on. Now the show can begin. Uh oh Mrs. Carter is getting her wedding dress on just like she did in concert. Beyonce does opera. Beyonce does everything. Now what would really make this “Ave Maria” complete is if she broke into “I be on the hotline…like erradayyyyy.” Nope, she’s doing Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” like she did in concert. Probably for Michael. See Jamie, this is how you respect a legend’s passing.

9:10PM Did we need yet another Martin in drag skit? He likes women’s clothing better than men’s clothing. Oh good and Jamie comes in. Wanda and Shenene…I get it. This isn’t real is it? I hope not.

9:15PM Mary Mary – making God fun! I guess. Latifah on stage too. Okay.

9:20PM Zoe Saldana and….Michelle is in the ladies room. Hood. Now she comes out. Hood. Taraji gets an award because they have to. See she mentioned Baby Boy on BET. JODY!!

9:25PM Keri Hilson gets an award for Best New Artist and they forgot to censor sh*t. Asleep at the wheel, BET. She came dressed as an Oscar to up the level of the award. Why does Jamie Foxx get to sing yet AGAIN? And why does Ne-Yo think hats aren’t necessary? Hasn’t he ever seen LL Cool J?

9:30PM Okay so Ne-Yo is bringing back all old artists like Alicia did last year. Isn’t that what we’ve been doing all evening? Ol Dirty Tyra is so excited. Oh wow Guy is on stage. I’m happy. BBD was just on before. That’s no surprise. Drake isn’t standing for the people who got him here. Another Lupe Fiasco…I like em yellow brown haitian puerto rican and cuban!

9:40PM Ray J and the Hot Mess Parade of Atlanta begging for applause with the MJ name drop. Not even announcing the next singer. I guess this is the MJ Tribute we’ve been waiting for. Ciara opens. I’m not mad. She’s nervous awww. She’s wearing MJ’s gold tassel jacket. Wait was that it? Just a song? There’s gotta be more.

9:45PM Keyshia Cole and the original hoodlum Monica get to share a stage. What is Monica doing with Keri Hilson hair? At least they can both sing. That’s a plus.

9:55PM What’s with the Applebee’s banner? Ugh. Aim higher. Taking a moment for politics. Jeremy Piven hits the stage for the win. Marlon Wayans for the epic fail. Now Marlon is comparing the Jacksons to the Wayans. Blasphemy. Then he THANKS Joe Jackson? Jeremy Piven sonned Timberlake and I didn’t care. Must be love.

10:00PM Beyonce wins Best Female R&B Artist. She’s choked up thanking Michael Jackson. It’s so genuine. Beyonce looks shocked. Jamie made Bey get off stage so Jay could perform? Jay cut his hair. Beyonce is rooting. That’s nice. I’m still mad.

10:10PM Don Cornelius is speaking…kind of.

10:15PM Don Cornelius is still speaking, but only said about five words. He said “The Immortal Michael Jackson” which is good. Now he’s doing a tribute to the O’Jays, but not before saluting Joe Jackson. Something something wifebeater. Tevin Campbell is performing. Tevin Campbell has discovered the Fountain of Youth. No woman no cry right Tevin? This O’Jays tribute is okay. A Michael Jackson one HAS to be better. If there is one at this point.

10:25PM Don Cornelius is still talking. Even the courtesy claps are getting weak. Finally the O’Jays hit the stage. Hahaha they kinda played Don Cornelius. “Wow that was short.”

10:30PM Now the O’Jays are carrying on. They deserve too but Don C ruined it. They cursed and BET barely caught it. Now they’re singing. Still waiting on a sufficient MJ tribute.

10:40PM The O’Jays are still performing. Why. This O’Jays performance is longer than the O.J. Trial.

10:45PM The lady from The View and Idris Elba finally offer condolences to Katherine Jackson considering Joe did nothing but be destructive. They were like giggling as they said it though. Fail. Time to show off the BET bosses. She’s apologizing for this half-assed tribute by saluting BET employees. I’m still waiting for a tribute.

10:50PM I guess this is the part where said MJ tribute begins. Rumor has it there’s 45 more minutes to this show. I need a power nap. Oh geez so they’re saluting Alicia Keys and Wyclef Jean. Why is Wyclef allowed to be in this equation.

10:55PM So Alicia Keys won the Lifetime Achievement Award and Clef didn’t? Or are we doing two. Okay Alicia gets a speech. Now Clef’s turn. Hey Wyclef, you want a Lifetime Achievement? Bring Lauryn back.

11:05PM Hahaha Taraji and Tyrese reenacting Baby Boy. I LOVE IT. Tiny accepts T.I.’s award. Ugh, I guess.

11:11PM Beyonce wins for Video of the Year. She kept it short for fear that Jamie might run on stage and “surprise” her with Jay-Z again.

11:15PM Maxwell time. Finally, another good performance, but what’s with the exorcism going on in the background? And he did a split? Was he in the Olympics this whole time?

11:25PM Drake featuring Lil Wayne and Ca$h Money. Hmmmm. He’s dressed like Mr. Rogers. Lil Wayne’s up next while Drake vogues in the background. Drake is in a high chair. Apparently he tore his ACL. Who is the guy in Ca$h Money who looks like Chris Stokes? What an awful performance.

11:35PM Janet Jackson looks beautiful and you can tell she’s heartbroken. Awww Janet. Now the tribute begins. Another Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo performance. I’m beginning to feel bad for BET given their prep time. Ne-Yo is doing what he can…Jamie still looks like he’s hamming it up.

11:40PM Show’s over. SMH

From → Meh

One Comment
  1. Dart Adams’ official post BET Awards statement: *Ahem!* *Clears throat* AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! © Charlie Brown

    Thank you. That is all.


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